your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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