I wish you could order shots online.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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