I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
