what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
