After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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