Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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