what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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