I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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