dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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