You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
