I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
