nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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