He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
