When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
