we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
