I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
