I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
