Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
