I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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