I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
