I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
