i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
