were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
