I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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