Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
