I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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