She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
