I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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