My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
