guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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