I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
