I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
