Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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