I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
