The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
