Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
