things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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