paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
