I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
