i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were destined to go to rehab together
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
