my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize