Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
