i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
