Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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