Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
