I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
