yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
