my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Your cock deserves a montage
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
