you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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