I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
