I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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