Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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