you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
