fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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