She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
